Birthday Party… November 19, 2009

In the midst of a crazy day filled with pouring rain and papers, I took a break tonight. The girls and I have been visiting the Salvation Army Shelter for the last couple weeks. It’s been amazing, to say the least. So many people, each with a story worth listening to. Last week a few of the girls found out that a little boy name Devon was turning 4 today and got the idea to throw him a little party. The whole hall pitched in and got him a set of matchbox cars, some candy, mini dinosaurs and cupcakes too! We got there early to set up balloons and streamers. We lit the candles, turned off the lights and waited. 

 

“SURPRISE!”

 

In walks the cutest little boy you’ve ever seen! With a huge smile on his face. A little shocked at the number of people in that room. Even some of the less happy residents were smiling tonight. The party included the total destruction of a candy pinata and a dance party out on the porch. The whole night was a sight to behold.

 

Love was in the air. And on the faces of my sweet girls. My heart was so full as I watched them engage with people and be Jesus to them. Words are inadequate…

(Insert Creative Title Here) November 16, 2009

Dear November,

How are you half-way over already? You’re such a lovely month. Part Fall and part Winter. I really do enjoy your company. And I think you need to take a deep breath and just slow down a bit. Just saying.

Love, Bethany

 

Ok, for real though. What the heck? Wasn’t I just complaining about how it was mid-October? Yep. Sure was. lol. I feel like time has a way of moving fast and slow all at the same time. (Is there an echo in here? I think I say this a lot.) It’s just as true now as it ever was.

 

This season I’m in is unlike any other before it. And I should hope so. I’ve never been this version of myself. Sounds weird I know. I think about how everything from the past 21 years of my life has layered up and is now beneath the foundation I stand upon. I can’t help myself these days. It’s gone beyond nostalgia. There are moments my thoughts travel so fast and so deep I can hardly keep up. Or catch my breath! I feel like I’m standing on the edge. On the brink. The threshhold. Of what? That’s just it. I have no idea! But the possibilities are endless! 

 

And the soundtrack for the week is: Mute Math! Went to the concert in Norfolk last Tuesday. By far one of the best shows I’ve ever been to. In every way. Words would be trite in describing the experience so I just won’t attempt it. My sister said to me, “How was the concert? Wait, don’t tell me…freaking incredible, right?” To which I replied, “Yeah, pretty much!” lol. They continue to be one of my favorite bands. Don’t foresee that changing anytime soon! *smile*

 

This was a tease of a blog, I know. Story of my life right now! Time constraints, that is. More to come soon!

Boxes… November 8, 2009

Last night I had a strange dream. 

The dream started “mid-plot”, if you will. There’s a literary term for it but it escapes me at the moment. Any way, by that I mean I have no idea what lead up to this part of the dream. But I all the sudden realized that I was in an unfamiliar house in an unknown location. I was in the living room of this house and noticed that all the possessions I have to my name were piled into boxes all over this house. I was baffled as to how it all got there. But my thoughts were interupted by a man who ran into the house and excitedly said, “Hey, we need to go. The van’s leaving!”

 

“I can’t! I still need to pack up all of this stuff.”

 

“You don’t have time! We need to go now.” 

 

I looked around the room and consolidated the most important items and put them into one box. But it was so heavy I couldn’t lift it. I saw some people I thought I knew outside and asked for someone to come help me get the box into the van. No one came. Again someone called, “Come on, we’re leaving!”

 

Suddenly I was hit with the realization that I had to leave it. So except for the bag on my shoulder, I left the house empty-handed and ran out to the van just as it was pulling away.

Thoughts.

It stayed with me for the rest of the day. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Dreams don’t always have profound meanings, but sometimes they do. In a sense, that dream will somewhat come true one day. I don’t foresee myself living in the States for very much longer. And chances are I’ll have to leave a lot here. But there’s more to it than that. Those boxes were such physical representation of the temporal. As sentimental as I can be at times (some would say all the time *smile*) at the end of the day, what is it that consumes me? Is it the stuff of earth? (And by that I don’t mean material or physical, but rather, anything that would cause me to be anxious or lose perspective.) Where is my heart? How I long to live a life that is driven by my love for the Lord and for His purposes to be carried out throughout the earth! 

 

Everytime I sit down to write on here, I feel an overwhelming sense of familiarity. There seems to be resounding themes in my blogs. Whether I’m talking about time and how quickly it goes by or seasons or eternity. . .they all seems to swirl together and weave their way in and out of every other post. So here I am again, feeling contemplative. Pondering on this thing we call life. Desiring to live it well and live it to the full! It’s such a vapor friends. I want to learn how to live intentionally.

 

The other day I was reading through 1 Peter and came across a really powerful verse. Peter is encouraging the church as they endured persecution and hardship. But as I read it the Holy Spirit totally caught my attention. In 1 Peter 4:19 it says, “…Keep on doing what is right, and trust your lives to the God who created you, for He will never fail you.” What a promise! Does it get any simpler than that? I think not. Oh friends, how I pray that we will throw off anything that entangles us (Hebrews 12:1) including that which is temporary. So as to know and follow hard after Him! 

 

Throw it off. Press on!

Loved this quote… October 28, 2009

“There is in the Christian life great need of watchfulness and of prayer, of self-denial and of striving, of obedience and of diligence. But “all things are possible to him that believeth.” “This is the victory that overcometh, even our faith.” It is the faith that continually closes its eyes to the weakness of the creature, and finds its joy in the sufficiency of an Almighty Saviour, that makes the soul strong and glad. It gives itself up to be led by the Holy Spirit into an ever deeper appreciation of that wonderful Saviour whom God hath given us–the Infinite Immanuel. It follows the leading of the Spirit from page to page of the blessed Word, with the one desire to take each revelation of what Jesus is and what He promises as its nourishment and its life. In accordance with the promise, “If that which ye have heard from the beginning abide in you, ye shall also abide in the Father and the Son,” it lives by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God. And so it makes the soul strong with the strength of God, to be and to do all that is needed for abiding in Christ.”

-Andrew Murray “Abide in Christ”

 

My favorite line in the above quote is where it talks about having a faith that “closes its eyes to the weakness of the creature and find its joy in the sufficiency of an Almighty Savior…” I have never felt so inadequate for the task at hand, as I have in this semester. But I have also never walked in such blessed dependency on the Lord. On the days when I choose to abide in Him, I really get to taste that wonderful joy. The joy that comes from resting in His sufficiency! 

 

I feel like it’s been a while since I wrote a solid update. Or wrote about life. But tonight’s not the night for it either. There’s plenty going on. But it’s already morning so I’m gonna hit the sack. Can’t believe October’s on it’s last leg! How the days fly. Looking forward to fresh mercies tomorrow! So thankful for the compassion the Lord shows us! Night all.

October Winds blow… October 14, 2009

A pleasant evening includes…

-Hanging out with Raphy for a few hours…which included dinner, running around in the rain, trying on an aray of peacoats, smelling every possible scent at Yankee Candle (so fun!) and driving home listenig to Arabic techno music. lol. You know, the usual. Hehe.

-Being bundled up inside, knowing there’s freezing rain outside! 

-Pumpkin bread (my mom’s!)

-MuteMath’s new album (Odds is still my favorite right now…there’s a huge possibility that I’ll get to see them in concert next month! I haven’t seen them since they played in tiny little venue in Orlando years ago, before anyone had heard of them! So exciting!)

-Donating a few hundred grains of Free Rice (no really, you have to see this!) and looking up all the words I didn’t know. lol.

-Celesial Seasoning’s “Candy Cane Lane” hot tea (not quite right for the season, but it hits the spot *smile*)

 

All this to say, while it has been most pleasant, the short window of relaxing is an escape from the inevitable: homework! The last time I wrote September was coming to a close, and here we are two weeks later and it’s mid-October already! The autumn winds have been blowing through this week. After a weekend in Florida’s 95 degree weather, it’s been quite a contrast! The weekend home was so good. Albeit too short! But these days any time with my family is precious and I soaked up every minute. We spent Sunday morning swimming in the Atlantic ocean…which was wonderful, to say the least! I’ll have to write more later. Right now my thoughts feel somewhat scattered. 

 

Random: I’m so looking forward to the release of Phil Wickham’s new project next month! And JJ Heller is in the studio right now as well! If you’ve never listened to her music, you’re in for a treat. Both of these artists are so genuine in their work and in their love for the Lord. It’s refreshing to see authenticity in an industry that is quite often all show (even among Christian musicians). 

 

Alas…studying awaits! Until next time friends…

Farewell to September… September 30, 2009

I Love Fall! 

It’s officially here folks. The leaves are slowly turning into brilliant shades of gold, orange and red. The winds are blowing. And it’s just getting started! It’s been in the low 60’s the last couple days. Ahh, I’m so excited! I’m gonna have to knit a little faster so that I actually have a scarf! lol. Tonight some friends and I went for a drive out to the Blue Ridge Parkway. The moon was out. It was glorious. And freezing! On the way back we saw this little produce stand/mini market. Turns out, it’s owned by a family who also own their own orchard and sell their fresh apples and apple cider (and apple butter and apple sauce and. . .well, you get the idea!) The cider was delicious. I think we’re gonna take the girls back there to pick their own apples one weekend. Pictures will be included!

 

As much as I welcome to the arrival of Fall, I can hardly get over how quickly it came! Where did September go? I had a friend say last week that I’m in a perpetual state of nostalgia. lol. Which to some degree I suppose is true. I find myself in constant wonder at life! And the way it moves. Fast and slow, up and down. All at the same time. Reminiscing or at lease, reflecting, is so necessary. Both for living and learning. Perhaps I over-do it at times. But I feel like it really helps me to grab on to little moments before they rush into the wind. It’s so easy to forget. The other night I pulled out some old journals. This past year I’ve gone through three journals (since last October). It’s been such a full year. Sometimes it feels like more of my life has happened in the last two years than in the other nineteen before them! I have been stretched further than I ever thought possible. I’ve met and grown to love some truly incredible people. I’ve seen and experienced some ridiculously wonderful places and cultures. I have grown deeper in my love for Lord, for His Word, and for His heart! Even with the intensity of the last several weeks, I wouldn’t trade all that God has done (and is doing!) for anything! In so many ways, I feel like He’s only just begun. What an overwhelming, blessed thought! Oh for grace to trust Him more!

 

Gotta get going. Room checks at 12. I’m not usually crazy about The Message but tonight I was reading in Isaiah and wanted to see what this version said. I love it! Ponder on it a bit:

 

“Yes, indeed—God is my salvation. I trust, I won’t be afraid. God—yes God!—is my strength and song, best of all, my salvation!” Joyfully you’ll pull up buckets of water from the wells of salvation. And as you do it, you’ll say, ”Give thanks to God. Call out his name. Ask him anything! Shout to the nations, tell them what he’s done, spread the news of his great reputation!” Isaiah 12:2-4 (The Message)

 

More coming soon!

open hands… September 26, 2009

“All that you hold dear to yourself – your family, your health, your dreams, your aspirations, and goals – must be held with an open hand. If you desire to fulfill God’s will for your life, irrespective of the price, the sum total of all that makes up you, must belong to Jesus Christ. He must be free to do with you and take from you as He pleases. You need not open your hand in fear, for God loves you with a perfect love and has your best interests at heart. But having said that, the faithful person is the one who is willing to pay any price to have the will of God accomplished in his or her life.”

-Walter Henrichsen

(Excerpt take from Disciples are Made, Not Born)

thoughts on heaven… September 17, 2009

“Come For Me” 

by Charlie Hall

Jesus come take me away, I long to see Your face
This world is broken yet beautifully made,
Jesus come take me away
Jesus I’ll patiently wait, till like a vapor I’ll fade
Help me fulfill all your dreams for these days,
Jesus I’ll patiently wait

You’ll come again with a shout,
Like a thief in the night you’ll come riding on clouds
Finally the Voice I have followed for life
Has a glorious face that is lit up with light
And you’ll come for me, no more pain, peace,
No more fear, release
Just lost and consumed with my glorious King,

And you’ll come for me

Jesus today I am tired, I need your music to come and inspire
I give myself to be refined in this fire,
Jesus today I’m so tired

Come for me

~

 

Heard this today and wanted to share the lyrics. Heaven has been a theme for me this last week. Where is the balance between finding contentment in all circumstances and still longing for heaven? Can you have both? I’m not talking about being “in the world but not of the world.” I desire to be faithful where God has me  (and with what He’s entrusted to me) yet I don’t want to be content with this world and with what it offers. Are they different kinds of contentment? In the famous word of C.S. Lewis,“If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.”

What I really desire is to channel this longing for my heavenly home, this desire to be in the physical presence of the Lord! And allow it to be something that motivates me and energizes me in my daily living! In my interactions with people. In my work and ministry. Heaven is a reality friends. And our residence there isn’t as far off as it seems. Oh that we would live each day with a desire to bring Him glory! In everything that we say, do and think.

That’s my heart. Now for grace to flesh it out!

 

Selah.

 

waiting… September 10, 2009

it’s official: i’m ready for fall! i started a knitting project yesterday. and I had pumpkin spice latte today. then there was the wind today, which was simply glorious! the trees on campus are just starting to show tinges of gold and orange here and there. all of that together has stirred up a blissful anticipation of autumn!

 

waiting…

sweet surrender… September 5, 2009

A missionary is someone in whom the Holy Spirit has brought about this realization: “You are not your own” ( 1 Corinthians 6:19 ). To say, “I am not my own,” is to have reached a high point in my spiritual stature. The true nature of that life in actual everyday confusion is evidenced by the deliberate giving up of myself to another Person through a sovereign decision, and that Person is Jesus Christ. The Holy Spirit interprets and explains the nature of Jesus to me to make me one with my Lord, not that I might simply become a trophy for His showcase. Our Lord never sent any of His disciples out on the basis of what He had done for them. It was not until after the resurrection, when the disciples had perceived through the power of the Holy Spirit who Jesus really was, that He said, “Go” (Matthew 28:19; also see Luke 24:49 and Acts 1:8 ).

“If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple” ( Luke 14:26 ). He was not saying that this person cannot be good and upright, but that he cannot be someone over whom Jesus can write the word Mine. Any one of the relationships our Lord mentions in this verse can compete with our relationship with Him. I may prefer to belong to my mother, or to my wife, or to myself, but if that is the case, then, Jesus said, “[You] cannot be My disciple.” This does not mean that I will not be saved, but it does mean that I cannot be entirely His.

Our Lord makes His disciple His very own possession, becoming responsible for him. “. . . you shall be witnesses to Me . . .” ( Acts 1:8 ). The desire that comes into a disciple is not one of doing anything for Jesus, but of being a perfect delight to Him. The missionary’s secret is truly being able to say, “I am His, and He is accomplishing His work and His purposes through me.”

Be entirely His!

(Oswald Chambers’ My Utmost for His Highest - September 4th, His! )

 

Thoughts:

Oh that we would live to be entirely His! What does it look like to be a “perfect delight” to my Savior? The longer I walk with the Lord, the more I realize that I am truly not my own. It should no longer about my ambition that I strive after, but His. Yet I still wrestle against this flesh! This selfish heart that desires to have control. Dying to self is certainly not an occasional event, but rather a daily yielding! By God’s grace, I am dying a little more with each day that passes.

This morning I was reading in Isaiah 53 and in 1 Peter 2, which both talk about all that Christ took on so that we could experience true life. True freedom from sin and from the bondage we once walked in. There’s a song by Jeremy Riddle that blesses me everytime I listen to it. Below is the second verse and chorus:

 

What a priceless gift, undeserved life
Have I been given
Through Christ crucified

You’ve called me out of death
You’ve called me into life
And I was under Your wrath
Now through the cross I’m reconciled

At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

 

Powerful, hey? The test comes in walking it out. I have so much more to learn! So much further to go. But today, I choose to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus, the Author and Finisher of my faith. I choose to die so that He can live through me. May we continue discovering the joy found in surrender!

 

Selah.